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Dear Hari! I have just one question? Is it possible to stop love someone????
I had never such experience, all men that i laved i love them now, but i don't want to have a future with them. So i have a question - is it possible to stop love someone????

Your question, although seemingly simple and straightforward, is truly complex.

What is love? It is a feeling. It is an emotion. It is an energy. It is the primal force that sustains existence. It is far more than we can define in words although that will not stop us from trying.

God is love. We are of the same energy as God and therefore we are love. Our essence is love. Yet that description confuses more than clarifies. By defining love in such a broad manner, I have effectively diluted it for the practical reality of my life can often be anything but loving. If I am love, why do I sometimes feel hate? One could say that hate is the other side of love, and that is sometimes true, but I may neither feel hate nor love, I may simply be unconcerned. I may walk past a homeless person and do nothing to benefit them. I may even see a family member who needs me, and ignore them although I would state, if asked, that I love them.

Our love seems to be layered and exist in degrees of intensity over time. I may feel intense love for a person, may go into the “honeymoon” period of head-over-heels love, and find that this initial infatuation fades within the next few years. I may find that in some cases this loss of infatuation causes me to separate myself from the one I loved. In other cases, this deteriorating infatuation is replaced by a long term, deep and meaningful loving friendship that becomes fundamental to life itself.

So what is love anyway? I think that a condemnation of infatuation as merely lust with no relation to love is incomplete. Besides, we might be infatuated with other things not related to sexual partners. Perhaps we are infatuated with video games or with a political candidate? The on-line free dictionary offers these two meanings:

- foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this: a mere infatuation that will not last.

- the object of a person's infatuation: When I was a kid, my infatuation was stamp collecting.

Consider infatuation with a newly discovered boy or girlfriend. That infatuation has many elements within it, all of which amplify our desire for the other. Physical attraction, mental compatibility, the voice, the looks, the sharing of activity, and perhaps even sexual enjoyment. Whether these ingredients are compatible with us or not is not an issue; as long as we think or feel them to be, they are. We become totally absorbed in the other party. We call it love because it does indeed include all the elements of love. The question then arises, “But if it does not last, was it actually love?”

Do we, as spiritual beings who are all inherently divine, have a universal love for all spirit? If we were to be aware of the spiritual nature of all beings, would we love them all equally or would we still love some more than others? As I am a personalist, I would tend to say that even in our most elevated consciousness, we would have preferences that would amplify love for certain individuals more than others. If that amplification is caused by our conscious preference for things we like, then our consciousness becomes a major factor in love.

My consciousness is characterized by my choice. As I choose, I display my consciousness. I follow my desires, regardless of what is behind those desires. I may love ice cream, but choose not to eat it because my desire is to not become fat. I allow myself to be infatuated with another because I like the way they look, feel, or whatever. All systems are go and my conscious choice flows in their direction. There may be many factors in that flow that are subconscious, but I include that within the realm of consciousness as the subconscious surfaces as my desire and I act on the basis of conscious desires. I choose to allow myself to fall in love.

Consciousness is not overwhelmed by desire for long, as reality includes self-preservation. When I see that the other party was hiding something from me, or that I was blinded by the filter of infatuation, I find myself adjusting my perception, even against my will. Give enough occasions of being subtly insulted, stepped on or grossed out, my rational mind creates a case file called, “Things I don’t like about you,” that remains dormant until the amount of pleasure derived from the relationship is less than the amount of pain. As we like pleasure and not pain, this is a significant factor. At one point we say, “Enough!” And that is that. We walk away. Perhaps we feel relief mixed with lamentation and frustration at having wasted time or resources, or perhaps we simply don’t look back.

We have rational reasons for our separation. Separation does not occur without reason and it is our conscious choice. But where is love in all this? If our love was mainly based in infatuation it might be lost after separation. If our love was to some extent based in mutual respect, admiration, appreciation and friendship, then that part of it will remain even when we realize the impracticality of relationship.

I find it hard to use the term, “real love,” as love is love and who am I to qualify the term with the redundant “real?” If I say, “I really love that,” what I am really saying is “Well, my previous ‘love’ was not really, but now it is!” Love is love. But how do we get it? Hmmm.

How do you “get” love? Can you create it? Is it a conscious act? I do not think so. I think it is something that just happens. I do not believe that we can cause it to happen; indeed, it is more or less causeless. Ok, there are factors that influence it, certainly, but the conclusion that we reach at one point is that we are in love. Sometimes that realization is shocking and wonderful at the same time. Sometimes it bewilders us. Other times it happens so gradually that we flow into it without hesitation.

How can it exist if it is not created? Well, anything that exists that is not created is already there. One might object by saying it is created, only by factors we cannot perceive. That is fine too. But I think that these factors are far beyond the visible realm and relate to energetic exchanges. When there is an energetic compatibility between people, this creates a comfort zone between them — a place where they relax into each other and allow each other to be who they are and where they relish each other as they are, accept each other, and enjoy being together. Seems to me that this is the place where the natural love we all are can manifest safely in this world.

In other words, we protect our essence from insult. I have discussed this in my book. When we love someone, we still protect essence, but in another fashion that does not inhibit the relationship.

Love exists and always will exist, for it is the core of being. But love will not manifest unless the conditions for its safety are met. Considering this, we never “stop” loving as we are love. We rather choose when and where to manifest it.

Previous lovers have shared a piece of our heart. They have been offered our most precious gift and we have accepted their most precious gift. This incomparable sharing makes a deep and lasting impression upon us. This energetic impact remains, even if we have filed it away and forgotten it. When we focus our attention on that person, perhaps when a memory surfaces due to some catalyst, or if we see or meet them again, that impression of energetic sharing may arise for some moments. We then wonder if we still love them or not?

We loved them once and that remains with us always. They had managed to inspire our loving inclination and therefore they are special. That can never be lost, although it can be covered.

Some rare individuals can offer their love to others as a gift from their essence. These individuals do not fear being damaged or insulted. They simply love because they are love. We usually crucify them.

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