Harimedia Forum

I was sent a long and detailed question by someone and I felt my reply would be useful to others. I have rephrased the question to save space -- Hari

I want to love and be loved, as all people do. I have been struggling to feel enough trust in myself and others to accept a deep relationship. I thought I had attained someone's love and was reciprocating with them on the subtle platform, but when I tried to verify if this was really happening and they were also aware of it, it turned out to be something other than what I thought. Now I feel distraught, depressed, cheated and I cannot find peace.

It seemed that this love was real, but perhaps it was not so. Or maybe, it was real, but there was an illusion attached to it. Or worse, maybe it was just a fulfillment of my own desires as I am not satisfied in my life?

This situation has so disturbed me that I have become crazy and started to do things that are neither good for myself nor anyone around me. I do not know what to do and I consider life as too great a burden to bear at present. Please help!

The pain I feel now makes me lifeless. Is it possible this pain is due to being raped by an unwanted connection or worse, is it due to my accepting an unwanted connection because of thinking I am connected to someone I am not thus leaving myself open for any energy that finds its way to me? How is it possible that anyone can just come and connect to me in this way? I don't know how to defend myself from it.

Note by Hari: Obviously I cannot capture the mood or nuances of the original text in this short summary, so please be aware my answer below might address these missing elements

I feel a desperation in you. I do not think it is necessary and it is destructive. Why are you so desperate? What is it that you think you will attain? Love is not something that is grabbed, especially not when one is desperate. It is, as you know, something that comes to us as a gift. Like all gifts, the best way to receive it is to be thankful and say so. One does not receive a gift by grabbing for it. That is the way of a small child. I do not know adults who seriously respond to being grabbed at.

I know that you cannot see yourself right now and I know that you are very upset with yourself and life, but this shall pass. Your motto right now should be, "This too shall pass." If you were to compare your situation with the sufferings of others who do not even have the essential things in life, you will see that your life is fine. You seem to lack a real connection to a real person on multiple levels. I think you have woken up to what a real relationship is, and that is good. It seems you never had one before. I see the taste of it has inspired you greatly and that is also good. What is not good is your thinking the 'connection' experienced in a subtle manner relates specifically to this or that person. This created within you an idea that this or that person was interested in you - as a person - and thus this illusion has created attachments in you for people who are not reciprocating the energy you are projecting towards them. It became worse when your initial loving energy transformed into desperation.

On the subtle level there will always be someone, somewhere, on some platform or another, who is ready, willing and able to reciprocate with your sensual desires. One of the ways they inspire you to continue this is to bring you to the point of wondering who it is that is the source of this energy, and then allowing you to conclude it is that person who you wish it to be. From that point on, as long as it works, they will continue to do this and enjoy with you. While this is going on, you are happy and enjoying the connection. But when you try to verify that connection through physically existing people, you discover there was something wrong with it.

The something wrong is not in these ethereally felt people, neither is it in you and the way you deal with these people. These 'people' are simply surrogate visualizations, solidified thought forms suggested by your desire to connect to the visualized person and confirmed by whoever's energy it was which inspired your sensuality. There is nothing 'wrong' with those who do this *with* you, in other words, those who allow you to think they are those you want them to be, for you have been a more than willing partner and have accepted the experience without much questioning. As long as you are consenting, there is no wrong. You might say you consented due to a misunderstanding, but is this not one of the greatest problems everyone faces in life? How often do we think someone is one way only to find out later on they are quite different? No one is so observant and perfect that they can instantly know everything about anyone. It takes time to find out what others are like; therefore, in the real world we gradually get to know others and reciprocate with them safely and surely, or at least this is the way it is optimally done in a world without passion. The problem with the ethereal energy is it defies most person's direct sensual perception and therefore although the energy felt cannot be other than what it is, the specific personality behind it may not be who you think.

It is not 'wrong' that you allowed yourself to think these connections were real. The experiences you had were real. They brought you to another place which gave you something. Perhaps it was the booster shot your life needed -- a kind of kick in the pants! What might have been wrong is your insistence that the sources of these experiences are those you visualized. It is like the snake and the rope example from the veda. Neither the snake nor the rope is false; rather, it is your misunderstanding of what they really are.

Instead of grabbing and being desperate, why not just relax and see clearly what is happening and then decide if your 'relationship' with these energies is acceptable. In other words, you liked it, so why stop it? If you only liked it because you thought it was this or that specific person, then stop it if you cannot tolerate it is not that person. Are you sure that you were cheated? Or were you allowing it to continue because it was an experience you could not resist? If so, then admit it. There is nothing wrong with such an admission for it is a statement of the truth of your life. If you negatively judge yourself for enjoying, then this means you think you should not enjoy, or that if you do enjoy it has to be with this or that special person for when you do it with them your enjoyment is somehow acceptable whereas if it were done with anyone else it would not be acceptable. Just be honest with yourself about what is happening. When you are honest and clear about what is happening, you will be able to continue living in a manner that gives you peace. And don't worry about being cheated. You learned many skills that are valuable in your life by these experiences. You are now wiser and more mature than ever before, and certainly much less prone to illusion.

There is another aspect which should be mentioned. People leave behind elementals -- energetic thought forms. One can connect to these elementals and experience the specific energy of a person that was created during an intense state of energetic thought which gave birth to the specific thought form. As we cannot tell the difference between a 'parked' elemental that is forever the same with forever the same quality of energy and a living person's energy that is constantly changing, we can become bewildered and confuse a person's separated energy from their living conscious energy.

To be quite frank, you are married. I assume you wish to continue being married. If there is not enough stimulation for you in your marriage, then find some somewhere where it will not harm you or your family. You seem to know the art of having fun and if this is acceptable to you stop worrying about it. Otherwise, be honest and say, "I cannot tolerate the situation I am in now. I will change it!" But this in-between state where you are unable to deal with yourself and have become self-destructive is not good, is not helpful, and is the best hell a person can create if they wanted to punish themselves for their sins.

I have seen that those who have this problem are not sensually satisfied at home. They need to do something about this and put more zing in their lives!