Harimedia Forum

Hello, dear Hari!
I wonder what the main goal do You have now in Your life? Something that rules Your activity?
Thank You for answer and for the facility to associate with You. Good luck!!!

After I leave this physical realm, I wish to be met by those I love the most who will embrace me and say, "Thank you very much. You have done very well." And then I will cry in love.

Hari wrote:and say, "Thank you very much. You have done very well." And then I will cry in love.

Dear Hari!
Recently I have been criticized by a person, who is very close to me, his opinion is very important to me. This person have criticized me completely saying that I am not very good man. Since that person is close to me, and I think hi is fine and dear to me, I can not to ignore him or say: "you are fool yourself". At the same time I can not to agree with him. I do not care who is right. The other point is very interesting for me.

When people who are very important to me criticize me, I feel badly. When they praise me I feel good. Why? Is it because a person (soul) is a social being and he/she lives only reflecting in eyes of other people? Or maybe because I am afraid to find out, that I am bad. And for whom am I good or bad? I came to a conclusion that the policy of threats and bribery is a natural way of society and relationship building. We now what bad things sre. But it constantly changes. It is important that there are always good and bad there. Could it be so, that there is no obligation for me to coincide constantly with some external image? The principal concepts “ good, positive, clever, happy “ are like labels. The people appreciate me by these labels. Could it be, that I am like I am, but the other people accept and love me? Or should I break myself to fit to some expectations? The world does not accept me, I have constantly something to do with myself. Why is it so?

Ah yes, the ancient dilemma! Shall I be what I am, whatever that is as I gradually discover it or uncover it, or shall I be what I must be according to the powerful influence of the world around me? What is more important, my internal world or my external world?

Naturally, both are important. You have to be yourself and you have to be true to yourself. You have to be the best you can be at whatever you can be, and at the same time you have to consider you are not alone, you are not the center of the universe, you are not independent of others, and you need to interact with others to fulfill your social being.

This is easily said, but difficult to manifest; indeed, it is the primary work of everyone.

Here are some hints:

* You can only aspire to do what you feel is right at the time you do it.
* You can only be the best you can be at all times.
* You can aspire to compassionately understand others.
* You can try to be honest yet at the same time considerate of how your words or actions affect others.
* You can attempt to insure that you are not neglected while supplying others what they need.
* You can trust your feelings and follow your heart when you have the opportunity to do so.
* You can compromise anything if you see the need to without having to accept the compromise as your ultimate desire.
* You can accept you did something that was not the best for yourself or others around you and attempt to rectify it as best you can while learning from the experience.

If you do this you can never be a bad person. Anyway, if someone calls you a bad person, they are really stating, "You do things or think things that I think are bad and I do not like it and I want to tell you so," and nothing more. It does not mean you are bad if they call you bad or that you are good if they call you good. All it means is they think like that.

If people need you to be something other than what you are before they will accept you, then they are not accepting you but are molding you for their usage. You might accept this compromise for some time, but when you realize it is counter-productive you should allow yourself to change the situation. Since people have a hard time understanding others, most likely you will find yourself in this situation again and again. Deal with it according to what is best for you at the time.

If people insist you be a certain way otherwise they will no longer accept you, they are indeed blackmailing you and you can decide if you want to accept this or not. After all, circumstances can force us to do what we do not want. For example, if we are working in a job and we are forced to do something we do not like out of fear of being fired, it is something we accept only because we need the money. Friends or relatives may occasionally demand we meet their expectations or face reprisals, but if they do this consistently you should decide if they are worth the trouble.

Some people are eccentric. They do not fit into the mold of what is considered a model citizen or friend. They are what they are for many reasons and only they can know why they feel comfortable doing what they do. This is neither good nor bad, it simply is.

Nevertheless, some of the most significant advancement made in life comes through circumstances that were unpleasant, restrictive, frustrating, bewildering, or when we had to deal with things that would not go away or resolve easily. Sometimes people appear in our lives to demand our acceptance of a situation similar to the one we put others, either in this life or previous lives, and do us the favor of forcing us to experience the frustration and pain we caused them due to our lack of concern, insensitivity, or gross ignorance. Evolutionary possibilities have a habit of manifesting in interesting ways.

It is a balancing act. Practicing it is good. There is no absolute standard of success. Even if the crowd applauds, the actor might be miserable. One has to simply try one's best. There is nothing else to do!