Feel Yourself, Know Yourself.

[harsi]

Lecture from 26 February 2011.


"When we are aware of how our energy feels in its natural state, we are better able to perceive when external energy influences us. This awareness will enable us to avoid mistakenly accepting external energy as our own. This facilitates appropriate response."


..I found that I had an interesting experience while working over the last week. Because you are probably not at all aware but everything we do here requires a lot of maintenance, a lot of set up, a lot of adjustment. Especially because as we have an increased amount of listeners with increased channels, and so on. And we're offering more services.

For example if you look on the Harimedia home page you will see you can directly looking to the latest audio lecture, or you can directly watch the latest video version of that lecture, or listen to the radio, or download things, or read the news which is relevant. Because in the news I explain things which are going on in case you're wondering.

So all of this is in various ways work. Sometimes one wanders why one works. I think it's an interesting point to discuss. Why do we work? Now the obvious answer is money, but I don't get money. I get donations sometimes, yes, I admit and I'm so grateful for all of you who donate to help us continue. For example the new server which is three times more powerful costs a lot more.

But besides that. Why do we work? And when somebody wrote me in the forum and we were discussing about downloads. And I expressed my surprise. I don't generally look at the statistics, I mean I'm not a statistics guy. It's not like statistics prove anything to me really, because I know how you can bend them and flex them, massage them as it were. But I stumbled about the statistic that each of my lectures is more or less downloaded on the average of two thousand and upwards people.

That shocked me very much. And than I started hearing about people who were sharing videos and sharing lectures on all different forms of mediums. On YouTube of course, on Mail.areyou, on other sites on different places. And I suppose each of this broadcasts is heared by three- to forthousand people. And we haven't even understood how that's growing, because we're only just started with these sharing of the video recordings.

Now I've made all the video recordings available for all of us to download. So that if, you want, you can just download them directly from my site, from Harimedia.net on the video gallery. So I was starting thinking about why we do what we do. And it struck me that I must be doing something that is considered valuable.

Now I don't generally place that kind of qualifier on what I do. For me, I think of it in terms of: Well, it's my dharma, if I can use that word. It's what I do. It's not like it was my prescribed duty, because I didn't really get it from someone else. It's just what I do. Now if I think about why I do what I do. Well, I like to do it. Actually it's fun for me to take a break from just work, work, work, or arrangement, arrangement and share with other people my thoughts, my experiences, my realizations.

You know I'm getting kind of older. It's really the only way I can actually share. Okay I can share artistically somewhat, but even that is limited because it's hard to do alone, I have really no inspiration to do it alone. When I'm in Russia, yeah! But so it's like for some reason it feels good that my experiences, my understandings, are allowed to be broadcast either directly individually one on one, or in this media to assist. I like to be of service.

I don't like to generalize this to be a spiritual principle, because if it is or isn't a spiritual principle it doesn't matter. Because for me what matters is whether I like to do it. I enjoy being of service. I enjoy assisting others. I don't enjoy doing it when it's a stress. For example when it's a demand on me, or I feel exploited by this. Therefore I'm much more selective in my individual interactions. Much more selective. Because there's a certain amount of information in that request which can distort my spirit of sharing. Yet when it comes to this broadcast, or when I speak in front of an audience, I'm less selective. I'm still selective but less selective. Because I speak more generally, or rather let's say I speak in principles.

Principles, concepts, ideas, and experiences that I share that are relevant to almost everybody. Now let me qualify that. Because, well, who do I speak to? I'm speaking to a specific audience. Okay, maybe it's a growing audience. But there's only one reason you would want to participate in this discussions. Just for example as we've stated before. It's an endeavor for you to stopp what your doing in your Saturday afternoon, or evening, or morning, and tune to this lecture. After all you know you can listen to the recording, and now you can even watch it, so you don't have to do it.

It's not like if you are interested in the subject matters you have to be here live. You make a commitment to be here live. I thank you for that! Because it gives me greater opportunity to express myself.

I've actually tried sitting in front of a camera and speaking. I've tried it, me and the camera. It doesn't work. I feel like I'm talking to myself, and I already know what I'm talking about. So I don't really have the same motivation to do it. When I'm being interviewed by somebody one on one, or a couple on one, I'm also inspired because I feel that, that person who is doing the interview, wants some information from me.

An information which is important for them, or an information which they think is important for others. So I accept that, I think that's good, I like it. Now I've often wandered how this kind of sharing works? Now, I know how it works because I sit here and do it, I feel it, I know it's happening. But I wander about what motivates people to actually not do anything on their Saturday and listen?

And the only conclusion I can come to, is that there is a feeling of connection, there is a feeling of value. Now the only way there can be that feeling of value, is if you share my desire that we have a very broad foundation of spiritual experiences.

Now factually speaking you don't listen to this broadcast if you're not interested in spirituality. Okay, there's a lot of subjects in here which are about psychology, sociology, even history, the development of people, the development and maintenance of families, how to deal with our relationships. Okay, there's a lot of information there.

But this information you can also get in another package. You can get this information in a package which is given by people who specialize in anyone of this particular areas. You can learn about health, you can learn about energy, you can learn about yoga, you can learn about meditation, you can do all this things with people who specialize in it, or have centres about it, and so on.

And I'm sure, and I already know, most of you already do that. You already have connections in so many places. Yet I feel so honoured that you take your Saturday out to listen, or that you have downloaded this and you are listening, or you're sitting somewhere and you're listening.

I can only conclude because the only thing I have to offer is a spiritual package. I'm not really offering an expertise in any particular discipline. It's not that I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm not offering it as an expertise in any particular, focused, way.

I'm not offering a unique system. Because after all it hasn't been systemised in that way and there's no discipline to it other than the disciplines that we have in our everyday life. Factually if I was to consider what I do, it would be related to why I'm doing it. In the beginning I said: Why do I do what I do, why do we do what we do? I know that this question is at the root of the offering. The offering, the service that I wish to offer - it's a spiritual package.

Now I know - it's obvious - for most of you it's obvious. Yet, I have seen in certain lectures that when I say things which I thought were obvious, other people say: "Wow! I never thought of it" or "wow! It was not so clear like that." I don't think this is one of those instances. But to come right out and state what I do, even at the risk of limiting my audience, is, I'm presenting a spiritual package.

This spiritual package is defined by, is understood by, my relationship. Now "my", meaning the general "my." I don't wanna say our relationship because that becomes a different entity. I'll explain that more later. Most of you already know what that means. Why I make that distinction. But it's defined by my relationship with the divine. My relationship with the divine defines the direction of my discussions.

It is a constant factor. It is not a factor which is popping up on Saturday, or popping up when you ask me. Itt defines my life. That does not mean that every minute, and every second of every day, I'm simply thinking about the divine. Sometimes I think about emptying the garbage, sometimes I think about fixing a bug in a program, sometimes I think about all kinds of other things. I'm not in any way implying that all the time.

Arjuna on the battlefield was not thinking of Krishna as he was killing his enemies. He was simply concentrating on his weapons, his enemies, the situation he was in, and planing five steps ahead what to do and how to not get killed - how to kill as many as possible and not get killed.

It's not that on that battlefield his mind was somewhere else meditating on Krishna. His motivation may also not have been just to do what Krishna wanted. Motivation may not even have been important. He was absorbed in the moment. Yet, if you were to sit him down, ask him why he's doing what he's doing, he would say very clearly - if you would ask him to define the energy of his life, there would be a spiritual basis to it - connection to divine, connection to Krishna. In his case it was his friend.

So my existence is related to the divine. I find expressing it in the package I do very valuable, because I see the thread. If you could imagine like a central point. From the central point are threads holding like a bar. It's not the greatest example but stick with me. You have like a bar suspended on that point and from that bar are many threads of life. My body, my energy, my mind, family, friends, society, community, so many things are there.

And all of it is balancing on that spiritual centre. I don't think that's a unique thing. I think everybody, everywhere, shares that. Because if it is so - I believe it is so - that everything emanates from the spiritual essence, from the being, all energy that we use to do anything everywhere. That means that in fact everything hinges on the pivotal point of spirit.

Now how you look at that package basically defines who you are. Because your perception of things colors and defines the thing. Some people look at me with a perception that is very negative - everybody has that - and that negativity defines me to them. They may come up with so many illusions about me, but that is based on their perception. And if there is a sudden change in the perception, all of a sudden they can see everything in a different way.

I've had this situations where something changed in my perception and all of a sudden I saw everything differently. Because from the point of view - meaning your perception - the angles at which you see events, the angles at which you remember history and analyse it into patterns, changes enormously.

For example, if you were to look at a piece of paper directly face on - let's say it was suspended totally flat - you would hardly see it, it would be this very small line. If you were to shift your point of view to above that paper, you would see it in some form of rectangular - a rectangular form. You would see it totally differently. Your whole conception of that paper, which you didn't even know it was a paper, you just saw it as a line, would totally change.

It would expand in ways you could never imagine. It would impact you in ways that you could never ever possibly have believed to be so. It went from two dimensions to three dimensions. And it happened in a second, simply when the point of view changed. So, I see the difference between, quote on quote, spiritualists and, quote on quote, materialists, is very much related to point of view. Change the point of view, you've changed the experience. Therefore I talk.

Okay, I feel that when I'm physically in the same room with others we can do meditations, or we can do exercises, or we can do things which amplify experience, I can also use my energy to encompass others and bring them into my field of vision, my energy of experience.

Okay, it's an art, I can do it. So I'm happy youre doing that in some sense because it gives a more direct exchange. But actually in this broadcast it gives me an opportunity to share the conceptualization that I do, share the understanding that I have, share my experiences, to transform your point of view.

So in one sense it's superior. Because after all isn't the whole point that you should see, you should analyse and understand, and you should experience? I can't hand you an experience. I can give you an opportunity to have an experience. And besides, it must be your experience, not my experience. Even if I share with you my experience, it only has value in and as much as you experience it. Unless you experience my experience, my experience cannot be of service to you.

That's why I'm not interested in the wow! factor. I can't walk on water. But if I were to walk on water, I would not be sharing with you something that's relevant to you. I would not be of service to you. It would be a wow! experience. Kind of like when you play music and everybody applauds or appreciates it. Even less so, because music you can absorb into your energy and you can respond to it, you can have feedback - give feedback, I mean - and the musicians will
reciprocate with it, you will feel good about it.

So if I walk on water, you may look and go: "wow! That's amazing!" But there's no reciprocation there. How do you reciprocate with somebody who walks on water? How do you share the experience? You don't. It's just an observation. You observe it, and you are impressed.

Now, when I exchange in this intellectual way, and I'm attempting to open up perspectives - we talked about those in the last week - I'm opening up perspectives so that you'll see things from your own perspective, your own experience.

So how do I do that? Well, I speak about things which are relevant to you. Now I'm again not talking about us. I speak about things that are relevant to you. Not everything I say is relevant to everybody. But my task - if it were - is to somehow or another find out those things which are relevant to the audience. Therefore I'm so grateful that there are live audiences listening. I mean, because I'm able to focus in on how I can be of service to you. And that's actually very important to me.

As I've said in the beginning, it's why I do what I do. I really wanna be of service. It doesn't matter to me, in the way in which you might think of the gain from it. In fact if I even mix gain, personal gain, into this equation, I loose that capacity, because than I become a servant to the result. If my gain is related to your rewarding me for my service, than what I do has to be tuned to the reward, to maximize the reward, to encourage the reward, to remain relevant to that which you want.

And even I say "want", I mean that which you're willing to compensate me for. That's troublesome. I can't do that. There's something in me - and I'm not exactly sure what - that does not want to be bound to the result. It's my nature, it's part of what I am, I feel I cannot actually help if I'm bound to the result. I have to be detached - and I am - from the result.

Now obviously if nobody liked what I was talking about, I would not be working, I would not be getting a right result. But in reality what I am doing is I'm trying to be of service. When I say "result," I'm talking about getting personal gain from the service, which is something other than fulfilling my desire.

So even when somebody insists I do something, but don't have a desire for it, I feel as bad as when somebody wants me to do something for compensation. Because neither of this things, even if they are a service, neither of these, shall we say, situations are compatible with my what it is I do.

You know that concept, "what it is I do." Because what it is I do is a voluntary expression of what it is I am. And that also assists me. That's why I have so many times advised: "don't attempt to be something you're not, don't attempt to work for, satisfy or please others."

In and of itself the satisfaction, pleasure of others only has value if it is something of your own expression. Like in other words, when I'm sharing with you, naturally I what you to appreciate it, because your appreciation gives me a feedback that what I'm saying is valuable or useful. And therefore I like to be of service, it gives me a feedback that I'm being of service - yes.

So your acceptance of it in a positive way is the feedback I like. If you don't accept it in a positive way - and you have that right - it's not that you have to. Feel happy! Now I have often said, if you don't like what I say than do something else, go somewhere else, don't listen! But in reality I like that I am relevant, because if you don't like what I say there might be a reason for it that I need to address.

Maybe I'm saying something which scares you, maybe I'm saying something which makes you feel deeply uncomfortable, maybe I'm challenging your perceptions, maybe I challenge your entire point of view, maybe I challenge your belief, alright I accept that. Or maybe you just don't like me - fine, chemistry wrong. That's okay, that's perfectly reasonable.

So it's important to me. Let's say if I were to have a one on one conversation with somebody and they don't like, for some reason, what it is I am saying. What is the better thing? That they simply say politely yes, yes, and than they go away, or than they say things to others which are very negative or...? Is that good? Or is it better if they were to tell me directly that something's wrong here, I don't like this, this is not good for me, this doesn't feel right, this is not very valuable for me. That would be very good.

First of all it would be honest, second of all it world give me a feedback to what I'm speaking about, which has value for me, and third of all it would allow me to modify what it is I'm saying, or doing, that it would be more compatible to the person or even just to shut up, not speak. It would be within my desire that that person would speak to me like that.

And similarly each of us should be true to ourselves. That's not just a motto. It gives a methodology of expression, of creativity, of choosing a career, of choosing an education, of healthcare, of social relationships, of marriage or love, or so many implications throughout the whole of existence. How we relate to nature.

It's the basis of what we are being true to ourselves. It means that when I express it should be honest. Now some people will say: "well, I don't know what to express, I don't have that connection." Okay, and that's why we do this discussions, so you will understand who you are, what you are, how you feel, why you feel what you feel. Because after all everything is related to history.

The present moment - even though we are absorbed in it - is a product of all the moments of the past. All the moments of the past have tumbled into this moment, they are an unavoidable part of the moment. And how we move with that past on that avalanche of the past, that's all flowing in the moment, as we ride the wave of our life, of our existence. And how we direct the wave or - okay, you can't direct the wave, that's obvious. Even as much as so many would like to say you can, in reality you can direct the choices you can make, that are offered to you in the moment.

In the moment I am offered some choices, so I direct as much as I can through each choice I make. So I'm making all this different choices. Some of this are very huge, some are micro-choices, some are almost insignificant in the sense that we hardly take notice of them. But they can have enormous consequences. Maybe they have no consequences, but our control in our existence are this micro choices, or this choices, however great or small, that we have opportunity to make at the moment as we ride the wave of the moment, that is having all of the past in it, that's part of the power of our life.

We are this huge process in motion. And to have full consciousness of that demands that we are aware, aware of essence, aware of being, aware of what we are, aware of what it is that colors our perception. All of those things which color our perception, our history, our relationships, our expectations, that which has modified our behaviour. The expectations we continuously have throughout life that give us desires, goals and break our hearts, or make us feel great.

Awareness is a huge package. And if we are to honestly and truly understand awareness as it is, it has to be in the package of the divine, of spirit, of essence. Because that awareness is essence, it is the foundation of everything, it is consciousness. And that is a divine thing, it's a spiritual energy. So in that awareness we need to get rid of those things which are not of that divine nature. There's only one way to do that. To feel essence, to feel what is our energy and to then know when something enters our energy which is not us.

Because when we know it is not us, that very, very significant fact transforms our perception of it entirely. Again we have the line of the paper and the rectangle of the paper. How we perceive something entering our energy determines our future. Most of the staff that is impacting us comes from external sources, most of it.

Left on our own with just our energy, we would be peaceful, secure, strong, in a state of satisfaction. Add into our energy this external expectations, this external demands, the warped mentalities of others, the twisted emotions of others, and our life becomes distorted. When our life is distorted, it means we have accepted these things as us, we have identified with this things as us. That twists our awareness. And the way to counter that is to be so aware of what we are as essence through meditation.

It's the key to be aware of what we feel like when we are just feeling us - this is the baseline. The baseline from which all our perception and awareness should be measured. Baseline, it's a very important term. It means that which is the reference, everything refers to that bottom line - it's not bottom line, it's a baseline - but anyway, everything refers to that particular understanding.

Now when we have that baseline (you don't have that word in Russian, do you? Okay, good.) When we have that baseline to which everything may be referred, we now have the most incredible tool, such power at our disposal. Because when we feel differently than that baseline.

Okay now we have to stop here, because I just dabbled into a bi---g lake of problems. When we feel ourselves, is that a fixed commodity? Is it a static commodity that never changes? Of course not! But I can feel the nature of my energy, it's colour if you will, it's resonance if you will. It may be a complex - not maybe - it is a complex resonance, a complex frequency that denotes me, that identifies me to existence, it is my unique identifier. And it is a complex wave, a complex frequency, it's not a simple one. So it has harmonic vibrations, harmonic vibrations which are in relationship to my frequency.

So I will experience this harmonic frequencies under different emotional states. When I'm expressing love, or when I'm expressing humour, or when I'm expressing concern or when I'm expressing service, or whatever, I will feel those harmonies and they are all compatible with my frequency.

So when I'm perceiving something which is disharmonious, it is external. The problem almost everybody is born with - not that they experience it immediately but they're born with this challenge - is that they're not trained to feel the self, feel it's harmonic (harmonious) understanding and feel and understand it's harmony, and to know when something comes to it which is dis-harmonious or external.

And therefore because we are not trained like that, we accept this things as coming from us - not all the time but in very significant ways. And it is that perception and acceptance that this is us, which leads us to believe we are not good enough, which leads us to think we are bad.

Indeed one could say, the entirety of the spiritual experience we are having here on Earth, is to come to the platform of not deviating from essence under all circumstances.

Nelson Mandela who you wouldn't necessarily consider to be a spiritual person, understood this so well in prison and proved it when he became president of South Africa. Here's a man who was tortured in various ways by his captors - very dull, animalistic kind of persons, without any sensitivity to the feelings of this man - and yet he developed this connection to being which was far more powerful than so many people's, who claim themselves to be spiritual. Because it was his strength in that impossible situation. You would not survive in it, I would not survive in it, we'd loose our mind unless we followed his example.

He embraced self, he embraced essence and said it is what I am, they can never take that from me. They can take everything from me, but they can never take me, I am transcendent to them.

And when he got an office, he had the perfect opportunity for revenge. He could have executed them, it would have been not at all difficult to incite the indigenous people of South Africa to slaughter every white person in that country.

It could have been one speech. If he made one speech to suggest it, when he was in charge, he could have set in motion events which would have caused a genocide. Instead he insisted that we do not become like those persons. We prove our superiority by treating them as human beings because they never treated us like human beings. We shall prove to them that our spirit is stronger than their weaponry. I mean, my god, what an incredible person!

I mean I'm just in awe of that example. And that's what I'm talking about. Of course we are not all to be Nelson Mandela, we don't have the posibility, neither do we have the strength. But when we talk about spirituality, it's a lot more close to us than we can imagine, it's not some far away thing. It's not something that you attain with yogic practice after long periods of time, it's something that you embrace right now, for your experience of knowing what you are, feeling it, embracing it and acting on it.

I don't mean to say reject others, I don't mean to say be nasty, I mean to be secure and express yourself. And express yourself by being of service and not accepting exploitation, not accepting other persons impacting you in a negative way, not accepting disharmony.

There is really nothing you have to do. You have to just be what you are. And when you are in your life in all of these ways emotionally, psychologically, politically, intelectually, creatively, whatever way financially and any familiar relationship, or any relationship with friends, you have attained connection to self.

And when you add the element of the divinity, that that self that motivates this desire of service, the desire to love, the desire to be harmonious, the connection with the Supreme and to be within that energy and express that energy, you've really done something significant.

You have become a super person. A super person who has extraordinary, positive energy to share, positive impact on this world, on this planet. And this is a very spiritual experience because we bring that spiritual world here, here right now on this planet.

So what do I do? Why do I do it? I'm just sharing with you. I'm explaining intellectually how that perception can change from the thin line to the rectangle. From the edge of the paper to the face of the paper. How by just seeing everyday existence - every moment existence from another point of view - entire life will change. And you'll understand who you are, why you are here, what it is you wish to do; how your experiences shall go on; it will transform your relationships because you will interact in a way which reflects what you are.

And this idea that I just expressed in the beginning that I don't do what I do for compensation, it's not just something useful for me - I don't even find it useful or not, it's just what I am - it is the nature of self. Self does not strive on compensation. Krishna said that to the gopis - something I think is incredible from Shrimad Bhagavatam - that our relationship is not based on business. I don't have to give you anything, you don't have to give me anything, we simply love each other. Under any and all circumstances, whether I'm in front of you or not.

Because there's no business involved. That means there's no compensation. I do this for you because you're gonna do this for me. I love you because you're gonna love me. Okay, Krishna, gopis, they love each other. But I'm gonna be here in front of you, so that you will be here in front of me. I'm going to give you something because you are gonna give me something. There's no business involved.

Now, that doesn't mean some incredible high level of selflessness. It means that you actually feel and understand what you are to the degree that you realize that no level of compensation will expand that. The self is not expanded by compensation, it's just another external energy.

We are nourished by love, the love that other people share with us. But that's not compensation, that's the nature of energy. I share my energy, you share your energy, that loving exchange takes place. There's no compensation involved. Unless you say here, here's my loving energy, give me something. But that's not loving energy, it's something else. Pure loving energy and compensation are diametrically opposed concepts. There is no relationship between the two. So compensation has nothing to do with what we are.

Now how do we deal with that fact? Does that mean we just go out and work for others and don't get paid? No, obviously not! There obviously has to be a certain form of compensation as we express our daily lives. But non of that compensation has value to us as essence. It is part of the maintenance of this physicality that we live within.

Now I know this concept is obvious, I know that you all know this, but I'm not sure you've ever heard it in that particular way. Even if you've had, I felt it was valuable to hear it again. Because I think that ones this is learned, spiritual life flourishes.

And on that note, I will stop and we might have a meditation when I come back. So we will come back at twenty minutes past the hour.