The other day I was going through some song books with my sons (Lucia festivities in nursary are nearing) and we got to Damodarastaka. There was a picture of Krsna, tied, and my older son (who is going to be five in a few weeks) wanted to know why was Krsna tied. He insisted that tiying children is not correct under any circumstances.
As a teenager I read a book "Free children of Summerhill" by A.S. Neil and was taken by the ideas he presented. It boils down to parents not imposing their believes and structure on their children (of course certain human rules are not to be neglected). So, even if my children are having sikha, have friends in ISKON children and help sometimes offering food, they are actually not aware or pushed into that system of believe. In my and my husbands background there is a number of different religions (including both catholic and protestant fate, ateism and different eastern fate) and society itself has a lot of values they are being presented with (one of the most prominent insisting on differences between boys and girls, such as boys don´t were pink). Obviously, I am not able to completely free my child from structures and influences of the past but I would like to be able to give them some tools with wich they can cope with all the information and make their own conclusions.
So, how do I explain why Krsna was tied withought demending from my son a total fate or supporting a total rejection of fate? How do I explain a concept of God in the light of sircumstances that are presenting him with different Gods (well actually religions) that all clame absolute knowledge, power and right?
As a degrasion. When I was some eight years old I was told ( in discussing God and death) that after we die there is nothing any more. That just did not sound right, feel right and even if I wasn´t a perfect believer in everything that has to do with God I believed that He exists and that we don´t stop existing after death. So, I believe that children have deep inside a knowledge of things and what is right and wrong, but many stop listening. That probably happens when we start believing that we are not good, good enough.
thanks for all inspiring words
Sri
children and spirituality
Your questions are interesting because they address universal parental responsibility. Essentially, the problem is: how does a parent instill values and educate their children without stifling their development? This becomes more complex when the parent feels it is their responsibility to introduce their child to religion. Those parents who deeply believe their family religion must be accepted by their child present it without hesitation, whereas a parent who feels the child has a right to discover religion on their own, facilitates the child's inquisitive nature.
It is safer for a person in your position to act as a facilitator of your children's search for spiritual meaning. How you do this depends on how good a facilitator you are. To properly facilitate, you have to consider the needs of your child as primary and more important than your own needs. For example, if you feel it essential to prevent your child from misunderstanding the situation between Krishna and Yasoda, you could offer explanations such as, "This was an exchange of love. Krishna was being naughty and his mother was stressed. She was not thinking clearly due to her stress and therefore tried to restrict Krishna from being naughty. But this was not an appropriate response to Krishna since he is powerful. He taught her how her response was not appropriate and his action has been discussed by millions of people as an example of his power and position within the context of his loving exchange with his dear mother. Therefore, although I certainly agree that tying up your own child is not at all a good thing to do in most circumstances, there are times when this is needed. For example, some mothers have placed a rope around their small children when they are forced to walk in large crowds and carry things to prevent their children from getting lost. After all, if the child were to get lost, this would cause him or her great anxiety and pain. So sometimes we parents have to do things out of the ordinary to protect our children, but tying them is rarely good for them. However, I understand your point and agree that we should not tie up our children. Mother Yasoda finally agreed with you and gave up on the effort!" ... or something like that. In other words, try to explain as clearly and completely as possible. If your child continues to insist it is wrong in all circumstances, simply say, "OK, I see your point." Why argue or insist? We all have the right to think what we want, even if we are children. Children anyway think what they want, even if they are quiet about what they think.
It might not be required to insist this event really happened or that your son must believe it. It is a story and he is listening. Why must his faith or lack of it enter into the equation? I think we often place too much emphasis on issues that are personal or distinctly adult and forget that children think and feel differently than adults and will anyway come to their own conclusions later on. I would rather assist a child in developing their own method of coming to conclusions rather than insisting on them accepting other people's conclusions.
If there are things in the literature of a religion that are strange, we should admit this. A devoted follower might say to their children, "This is strange, but there is some reason for it even if we do not see the reason." I would say, "This is the way they see things from their point of view. They have a specific system they like and this system depends on their own particular assumptions and beliefs." I would explain this more only if asked to.
I have seen cases where forcing children to accept something backfires and causes them to reject that very thing simply because they were pushed to accept it. Do not underestimate the power of youthful rebellion. I have seen cases where children have blindly accepted so many things in their lives it has limited their capacity to question and limited the development of their own method for coming to conclusions that make sense to them! I have also seen children who were spoon fed a philosophy, who continue to believe it in essence, yet make adjustments to it in a healthy fashion as they grow older for they had teachers, parents, or at least some kind of good fortune to balance ideas and the analytical capacity within their environment. I think our responsibility as adults lies more in balancing information with experiences in an environment of acceptance which allows questioning, honesty and respects everyone's need to come to their own conclusions without being forced.
But you know all this, and your question was different. I was just on my corner soap box for a while! Sorry about that...
Considering this, we could just explain it as it is. What this 'is' is would be different for each parent as each would see the 'truth' in their own way. I would say something similar to, "I believe there are beings who are much greater that I who are assisting in the arrangement of this universe and beyond. I believe there are divine beings who are at the core of all existence, who are the energetic source of all that exists, who are pure spirit, pure love, and connected with all things through their divine consciousness. I believe they have personality, as I do, manifesting according to their extraordinary greatness, and because I am of the same energy as they I have experience of a loving and caring connection with them and therefore I know what I believe is true."
It is easier to explain about religion when you speak from the basis of essential truth rather than specific flavors of culturally or historically based ideas. One can continue to explain that there are different religions manifesting in different geographical locations and cultures. They all have their own ideas about the divine and all have some discipline through which their followers can come in contact with these divine beings. They have different rules and regulations, philosophical ideals, and value structures appropriate to their concepts. One of the interesting things about these different religions is they all are quite convinced their way is the only way, the best way, the absolute truth of it all, and that their God is the real God and all the other gods of the others are somehow borne of human illusion. Sometimes they fight with each other to prove their way is superior. Sometimes they change their ideas to facilitate their managerial organization and growth of power. Many people feel good about their religions because it gives them answers to why they are suffering or how to correct what they are doing wrong. People feel that when they can act better, they can gain entrance into that final destination which is free from material troubles. Obviously one can expand on this method of explanation as one sees fit.
Is there something wrong with not declaring any one religion the best? Is there a problem for a child to understand there are many people in the world with many different ideas of life? I feel the real difficulty lies in the inability of the parent to explain it in a manner that makes sense to the child. When one presents options and possibilities to a child, it respects their capacity to find his or her own way and thus nurtures it. When the child has questions later on, he or she will know where to go for answers. And you, as that first facilitator concerned with the child's welfare, will rank number one as a trusted source of information. You will also protect your child from falling victim to exploitation offered in the name of religion. You will do the greatest service for your child and the greatest ultimate good for all people. You will also encourage spiritual thinking, free thinking and coming to one's own conclusions. Since we all have to accept the consequences of our actions, we should understand that the responsibility for what we do, what we think or accept, and all that follows, is our own and no one else's. We can and should accept assistance on our path of life. Children should understand they are on a path created by their choices in the context of their present situation. Considering this, we can learn and hear from anyone we choose, but the ultimate responsibility for the events we initiate (the choices we make) is our own.
It is safer for a person in your position to act as a facilitator of your children's search for spiritual meaning. How you do this depends on how good a facilitator you are. To properly facilitate, you have to consider the needs of your child as primary and more important than your own needs. For example, if you feel it essential to prevent your child from misunderstanding the situation between Krishna and Yasoda, you could offer explanations such as, "This was an exchange of love. Krishna was being naughty and his mother was stressed. She was not thinking clearly due to her stress and therefore tried to restrict Krishna from being naughty. But this was not an appropriate response to Krishna since he is powerful. He taught her how her response was not appropriate and his action has been discussed by millions of people as an example of his power and position within the context of his loving exchange with his dear mother. Therefore, although I certainly agree that tying up your own child is not at all a good thing to do in most circumstances, there are times when this is needed. For example, some mothers have placed a rope around their small children when they are forced to walk in large crowds and carry things to prevent their children from getting lost. After all, if the child were to get lost, this would cause him or her great anxiety and pain. So sometimes we parents have to do things out of the ordinary to protect our children, but tying them is rarely good for them. However, I understand your point and agree that we should not tie up our children. Mother Yasoda finally agreed with you and gave up on the effort!" ... or something like that. In other words, try to explain as clearly and completely as possible. If your child continues to insist it is wrong in all circumstances, simply say, "OK, I see your point." Why argue or insist? We all have the right to think what we want, even if we are children. Children anyway think what they want, even if they are quiet about what they think.
It might not be required to insist this event really happened or that your son must believe it. It is a story and he is listening. Why must his faith or lack of it enter into the equation? I think we often place too much emphasis on issues that are personal or distinctly adult and forget that children think and feel differently than adults and will anyway come to their own conclusions later on. I would rather assist a child in developing their own method of coming to conclusions rather than insisting on them accepting other people's conclusions.
If there are things in the literature of a religion that are strange, we should admit this. A devoted follower might say to their children, "This is strange, but there is some reason for it even if we do not see the reason." I would say, "This is the way they see things from their point of view. They have a specific system they like and this system depends on their own particular assumptions and beliefs." I would explain this more only if asked to.
I have seen cases where forcing children to accept something backfires and causes them to reject that very thing simply because they were pushed to accept it. Do not underestimate the power of youthful rebellion. I have seen cases where children have blindly accepted so many things in their lives it has limited their capacity to question and limited the development of their own method for coming to conclusions that make sense to them! I have also seen children who were spoon fed a philosophy, who continue to believe it in essence, yet make adjustments to it in a healthy fashion as they grow older for they had teachers, parents, or at least some kind of good fortune to balance ideas and the analytical capacity within their environment. I think our responsibility as adults lies more in balancing information with experiences in an environment of acceptance which allows questioning, honesty and respects everyone's need to come to their own conclusions without being forced.
But you know all this, and your question was different. I was just on my corner soap box for a while! Sorry about that...
This is a very important question. Let me rephrase it for you: How does one derive one's own understanding of God considering there are so many religions claiming to have the absolute truth and all the rights and power derived from this understanding? After all, the problem is your understanding the situation and then explaining it to your child in a way that helps, not hinders him. This is not his problem, it is yours. Even if you said nothing, he would most likely do just fine without anyone teaching him about God, just as you did fine in a family that totally denied God. We sometimes think our children will become lost atheists without our help, but we forget that no one helped us and we were not lost. When we wanted to know more, we did, and there were enough resources available in the world for us to learn what we needed to learn! Perhaps we lack faith in our children? Maybe this is because we lack faith in ourselves? Maybe this would change if we had some faith in these little people and allowed them to see for themselves with our help?How do I explain a concept of God in the light of circumstances that are presenting him with different Gods (well actually religions) that all claim absolute knowledge, power and right?
Considering this, we could just explain it as it is. What this 'is' is would be different for each parent as each would see the 'truth' in their own way. I would say something similar to, "I believe there are beings who are much greater that I who are assisting in the arrangement of this universe and beyond. I believe there are divine beings who are at the core of all existence, who are the energetic source of all that exists, who are pure spirit, pure love, and connected with all things through their divine consciousness. I believe they have personality, as I do, manifesting according to their extraordinary greatness, and because I am of the same energy as they I have experience of a loving and caring connection with them and therefore I know what I believe is true."
It is easier to explain about religion when you speak from the basis of essential truth rather than specific flavors of culturally or historically based ideas. One can continue to explain that there are different religions manifesting in different geographical locations and cultures. They all have their own ideas about the divine and all have some discipline through which their followers can come in contact with these divine beings. They have different rules and regulations, philosophical ideals, and value structures appropriate to their concepts. One of the interesting things about these different religions is they all are quite convinced their way is the only way, the best way, the absolute truth of it all, and that their God is the real God and all the other gods of the others are somehow borne of human illusion. Sometimes they fight with each other to prove their way is superior. Sometimes they change their ideas to facilitate their managerial organization and growth of power. Many people feel good about their religions because it gives them answers to why they are suffering or how to correct what they are doing wrong. People feel that when they can act better, they can gain entrance into that final destination which is free from material troubles. Obviously one can expand on this method of explanation as one sees fit.
Is there something wrong with not declaring any one religion the best? Is there a problem for a child to understand there are many people in the world with many different ideas of life? I feel the real difficulty lies in the inability of the parent to explain it in a manner that makes sense to the child. When one presents options and possibilities to a child, it respects their capacity to find his or her own way and thus nurtures it. When the child has questions later on, he or she will know where to go for answers. And you, as that first facilitator concerned with the child's welfare, will rank number one as a trusted source of information. You will also protect your child from falling victim to exploitation offered in the name of religion. You will do the greatest service for your child and the greatest ultimate good for all people. You will also encourage spiritual thinking, free thinking and coming to one's own conclusions. Since we all have to accept the consequences of our actions, we should understand that the responsibility for what we do, what we think or accept, and all that follows, is our own and no one else's. We can and should accept assistance on our path of life. Children should understand they are on a path created by their choices in the context of their present situation. Considering this, we can learn and hear from anyone we choose, but the ultimate responsibility for the events we initiate (the choices we make) is our own.
This was a many great taughts and useful advices. Great lecture too. You "felt" the questions better then I could explain them. Thanks a lot.
As far as if children have difficulties understanding existence of different religions, I don´t think they do. On the contrary, they have it easy to understand that and that is were the problem is. They see that they are different from mum and dad, their brothers and sisters and they all live and love together (even if there may sometimes be disagreements and adjustments). Then they see the same picture in the big world, only here they are told that the God (that is One, all agree about that) actually asks them to kill and eliminate the others, for He only loves them and it is only them that are right and chosen. That is, in the childrens eyes at least, like their mother or father telling them that they should kill their brother or sister for he/she only loves them. Hardly unlikely. Very distorted and comfusing. Not very easy to explain how come that all these "smart" grown ups have gotten it very wrong. I guess a point here would be to encourage them, children, not to continue in that line. To make their own choices that actually do make sense to them and feel right for them.
Wow, this was actually more helpful then I first realized. Thanks again.
As far as if children have difficulties understanding existence of different religions, I don´t think they do. On the contrary, they have it easy to understand that and that is were the problem is. They see that they are different from mum and dad, their brothers and sisters and they all live and love together (even if there may sometimes be disagreements and adjustments). Then they see the same picture in the big world, only here they are told that the God (that is One, all agree about that) actually asks them to kill and eliminate the others, for He only loves them and it is only them that are right and chosen. That is, in the childrens eyes at least, like their mother or father telling them that they should kill their brother or sister for he/she only loves them. Hardly unlikely. Very distorted and comfusing. Not very easy to explain how come that all these "smart" grown ups have gotten it very wrong. I guess a point here would be to encourage them, children, not to continue in that line. To make their own choices that actually do make sense to them and feel right for them.
Wow, this was actually more helpful then I first realized. Thanks again.