Dear Hari!
Sometimes I (like anybody else) feel negative emotiones. How can I deal with them? I mean, I understand why I feel it - because of bad mood, because of behaviour of the people (when they act against my expectation) etc. I understand that I am not right, and I try to control my words and actions. But emotions are already there... I understand that such emotions are wrong reactions and I do not want to feel them, but I feel.
Thank You for helping
emotiones
I used to think that some emotions were bad. Now I think that they are simply what they are, nothing more, and nothing less. Labeling emotions as bad is self-judgment, and self-judgment has to be used cautiously. One does benefit from viewing one's actions with some detachment for not all actions are the best actions for us to choose. Therefore we use our intelligence to choose what the best course of action for us is. When we reflect on our thought process and emotional responses, we understand ourselves better and can therefore better adjust our consciousness in a manner conducive to our evolution. However, this does not imply that what we think or feel is bad; rather, it simply means it is not the best thing for us to think or feel at the present moment. We make that decision according to what is best for our overall evolution. Learning to see what we are and adjusting that to optimize our progress is an art well worth learning.
For example, when people act opposite to your expectations you can consider a few different courses of action. First, you could examine why this unexpected reaction has occurred. Perhaps you did not have all the information you thought you had when you created the expectation and now you waking up to reality. Second, you could wonder if having expectations is the best thing to do. Perhaps being detached is more appropriate for you. Third, perhaps there are conditions within yourself which are creating the reaction to the event or the energy impacting you which is opening up a door within. When that door opens, opportunities arise for self-discovery and the increase of self-awareness which is an essential ingredient in self-actualization.
Whatever the situation, use these so-called negative emotions as an opportunity rather than seeing them as a problem. If you see them as something bad and lament their existence, you will miss what these emotions are telling you and the wonderful possibilities they might lead you to. After all, these emotions are your own personal and specific energetic responses to other's energy. They are the best communication you can possibly have to you own inner world that is often locked up and sealed off from outside influences. Listen to what your inner world is expressing to your outer world.
You cannot go wrong by listening to yourself. Do something about it. Dig deeper to find the source. Do whatever is required to get to the bottom of what makes you tick and what turns your emotional energy response on. You will never regret it. After all, it is you. Don't be afraid of yourself. You are a good person and you are a fully spiritual being. Avoiding what you are will simply put off the time when you have to face yourself, accept yourself, and discover your beauty.
For example, when people act opposite to your expectations you can consider a few different courses of action. First, you could examine why this unexpected reaction has occurred. Perhaps you did not have all the information you thought you had when you created the expectation and now you waking up to reality. Second, you could wonder if having expectations is the best thing to do. Perhaps being detached is more appropriate for you. Third, perhaps there are conditions within yourself which are creating the reaction to the event or the energy impacting you which is opening up a door within. When that door opens, opportunities arise for self-discovery and the increase of self-awareness which is an essential ingredient in self-actualization.
Whatever the situation, use these so-called negative emotions as an opportunity rather than seeing them as a problem. If you see them as something bad and lament their existence, you will miss what these emotions are telling you and the wonderful possibilities they might lead you to. After all, these emotions are your own personal and specific energetic responses to other's energy. They are the best communication you can possibly have to you own inner world that is often locked up and sealed off from outside influences. Listen to what your inner world is expressing to your outer world.
You cannot go wrong by listening to yourself. Do something about it. Dig deeper to find the source. Do whatever is required to get to the bottom of what makes you tick and what turns your emotional energy response on. You will never regret it. After all, it is you. Don't be afraid of yourself. You are a good person and you are a fully spiritual being. Avoiding what you are will simply put off the time when you have to face yourself, accept yourself, and discover your beauty.
Hariji, could you give me advice how to manage with anger? when we do something we like and someone comes and disturb more and more.. how to change that situation without frustration, fight and resign from this activity we like? what is the mental (?) way? what is the optimal thinking to be free form disturbing people?
Thank you,
Kami
Thank you,
Kami
Everyone gets angry at one point or another. One who cannot get angry has no life or perhaps is lobotomized. Although the optimal way to be free from disturbing people is to avoid them completely, it is not always possible when they are your relatives, neighbors, compatriots, or partners in business. Therefore, one needs a viable method to deal with situations that evoke anger.
To effectively deal with agitating situations, one requires to be evolved and mature. There are various types of evolved people. Some foresee complicated situations and avoid the potentially upsetting scene, but even those gifted with this marvelous vision are now and then forcibly entangled in unwanted embraces. Those who recognize that peopleâ's acts are a product of their nature and level of advancement compounded by a myriad of known and unknown factors that create stress, are therefore not angry at others by default. Their first inclination is to investigate if they could be of assistance rather than lash out at others. This requires internal peace, for one who is agitated within will erupt rapidly in agitating situations.
I have experienced that most times when I either erupt instantly, or want to do so, is due to the agitating situation striking a resonant chord within me. Perhaps I was seeing something in others that I disliked in myself, or perhaps I felt insulted or hurt by someone who should not have done what they did? I have learned (and am still attempting to practice) the concept of looking for the factors within people that motivate them, or even force them, to act the way they do. This usually sufficiently cools me off to function reasonably well. One who observes how anger arises can deal with it with detached curiosity. When family is involved, it becomes harder to do this. However, one who has been pushed over their limit of tolerance may blow up in a somewhat calculated manner to put an end to a time wasting disturbance or action that harms others or the world.
Anger within ourselves usually indicates something needs to be done -- either we must change ourselves or we should assist others to change. Of course, one can just be angry, frustrated, filled with wrath and rage, and trash everything around one in the vain hope of gaining satisfaction, but this very destructive force does no one good. Therefore, to properly deal with anger we have to accept it, feel it, and then decide what to do about it. The alternatives are that one can vent; one can see a reason to change something inside oneself; or one can understand that some form of change is required in other people, or the world, and take steps to implement it.
Venting means to express to those who make you angry, or to anyone else who takes the time to listen, why you are angry. Venting blows off steam and reduces the heat of our anger. Repressing anger is never good as it creates volcanic-like effects that either spew out everywhere like a geyser or create underground pathways of super-heated lava within our psyche. Venting is good when other options are either not possible or are too difficult, such as when you are angry at your child or are angry at unknown universal forces or fate.
Being angry with oneself for being stupid, for making mistakes, or for any other form of perceived internal defect, encourages a healthy search to discover what went wrong. Finding such causes helps us to avoid similar situations in the future or to rectify existing reactions to our errors.
Being angry at others actions and feeling an impetus to assist them could either be due to seeing how others are ruining themselves or a desire to have them stop causing us and others difficulty. It then becomes our responsibility to analyze the situation and find an appropriate means to educate, transform, or redirect this improper energy.
At the heart of these three methods is the desire to not hurt ourselves or others. This desire must be cultivated in our hearts, for when the passionate madness of uncontrolled anger strikes, the desire to destroy the "aggressor," regardless of the cost to ourselves, tears at our intelligence. Those who truly love the world and those within it are able to respond evenly by relating to the facts involved and not by attacking individuals for their faults or motives. It is one thing to say, "You did this to me and I don't like it." It is quite another to say, "You did this to me because you are a rotten stinker who hates me and doesn't care for anyone but himself." The former states the case and the effect of the act, the latter judges the performer of the act and presumes to know the actor's motives and inner being. One who is forced to deal with facts is more inclined to cooperate than one who hears judgmental condemnation of themselves. Naturally, determining what are the facts in any case is very difficult but when passion is involved it is almost impossible. If one recognizes the goal (again, either to change oneself or to change others or a situation) one can catch one's breath and cool off enough to express care and concern for all involved. This is also the course of action healthiest for our bodies.
I suppose one who lives the motto, "There is only one of us," knows the pain they offer to others through anger is pain thrown upon themselves and therefore expresses with respect. Certainly, we should not allow others to walk over us, neither should we avoid changing what is wrong on the plea that there is only one of us, but acting within the proper context is more effective than acting as if we were a victim of some aggressor.
To effectively deal with agitating situations, one requires to be evolved and mature. There are various types of evolved people. Some foresee complicated situations and avoid the potentially upsetting scene, but even those gifted with this marvelous vision are now and then forcibly entangled in unwanted embraces. Those who recognize that peopleâ's acts are a product of their nature and level of advancement compounded by a myriad of known and unknown factors that create stress, are therefore not angry at others by default. Their first inclination is to investigate if they could be of assistance rather than lash out at others. This requires internal peace, for one who is agitated within will erupt rapidly in agitating situations.
I have experienced that most times when I either erupt instantly, or want to do so, is due to the agitating situation striking a resonant chord within me. Perhaps I was seeing something in others that I disliked in myself, or perhaps I felt insulted or hurt by someone who should not have done what they did? I have learned (and am still attempting to practice) the concept of looking for the factors within people that motivate them, or even force them, to act the way they do. This usually sufficiently cools me off to function reasonably well. One who observes how anger arises can deal with it with detached curiosity. When family is involved, it becomes harder to do this. However, one who has been pushed over their limit of tolerance may blow up in a somewhat calculated manner to put an end to a time wasting disturbance or action that harms others or the world.
Anger within ourselves usually indicates something needs to be done -- either we must change ourselves or we should assist others to change. Of course, one can just be angry, frustrated, filled with wrath and rage, and trash everything around one in the vain hope of gaining satisfaction, but this very destructive force does no one good. Therefore, to properly deal with anger we have to accept it, feel it, and then decide what to do about it. The alternatives are that one can vent; one can see a reason to change something inside oneself; or one can understand that some form of change is required in other people, or the world, and take steps to implement it.
Venting means to express to those who make you angry, or to anyone else who takes the time to listen, why you are angry. Venting blows off steam and reduces the heat of our anger. Repressing anger is never good as it creates volcanic-like effects that either spew out everywhere like a geyser or create underground pathways of super-heated lava within our psyche. Venting is good when other options are either not possible or are too difficult, such as when you are angry at your child or are angry at unknown universal forces or fate.
Being angry with oneself for being stupid, for making mistakes, or for any other form of perceived internal defect, encourages a healthy search to discover what went wrong. Finding such causes helps us to avoid similar situations in the future or to rectify existing reactions to our errors.
Being angry at others actions and feeling an impetus to assist them could either be due to seeing how others are ruining themselves or a desire to have them stop causing us and others difficulty. It then becomes our responsibility to analyze the situation and find an appropriate means to educate, transform, or redirect this improper energy.
At the heart of these three methods is the desire to not hurt ourselves or others. This desire must be cultivated in our hearts, for when the passionate madness of uncontrolled anger strikes, the desire to destroy the "aggressor," regardless of the cost to ourselves, tears at our intelligence. Those who truly love the world and those within it are able to respond evenly by relating to the facts involved and not by attacking individuals for their faults or motives. It is one thing to say, "You did this to me and I don't like it." It is quite another to say, "You did this to me because you are a rotten stinker who hates me and doesn't care for anyone but himself." The former states the case and the effect of the act, the latter judges the performer of the act and presumes to know the actor's motives and inner being. One who is forced to deal with facts is more inclined to cooperate than one who hears judgmental condemnation of themselves. Naturally, determining what are the facts in any case is very difficult but when passion is involved it is almost impossible. If one recognizes the goal (again, either to change oneself or to change others or a situation) one can catch one's breath and cool off enough to express care and concern for all involved. This is also the course of action healthiest for our bodies.
I suppose one who lives the motto, "There is only one of us," knows the pain they offer to others through anger is pain thrown upon themselves and therefore expresses with respect. Certainly, we should not allow others to walk over us, neither should we avoid changing what is wrong on the plea that there is only one of us, but acting within the proper context is more effective than acting as if we were a victim of some aggressor.
