I'm and Being

[Gaura]

I a little bit edit first my post till there isn’t comment,

Before I wanted to know who the God is. Well I do know who he is but I think it’s thought to me knowledge, I called it books knowledge. Some people search for several Gods according to their books and religion…. But I’m out the path…

I thought I should go there with no luggage as a free researcher. So I thought first as a basis I should know who am I without books, then will go on farther. And today’s lecture touched a lot that subject.

You said that I’m and Being is different. But deeply inside I can’t agree.

Who am I? My subtle body, which one can feel? If yes then I feel only two hands in my subtle body. Does my hands are 4, or maybe 6 or maybe – 5.

Definitely I feel even the subtle body is not I’m. I’m something even subtler. It might be desire? But desire for what? Liberation or… ? Again “books”. This thoughts and desires I feel artificial – outside “knowledge”. Then who am I really?

You said (in the answer to the question that man afraid to loose his self) that you don’t know how person can dissolve. That means there are the person and the thing people afraid to merge to. And my wonder is who the person is in the first place. And as it obvious from above to say just person (we) is just - I am, will not be enough for me for it seems to me not deep enough. When I’m go very deep in my meditation I can’t catch myself, I can feel only awareness, energy.

It sounds like “mayavada”. But I honestly decided to be free of any designations and dry books knowledge and words, and terminologies. I try to understand it all myself without any fear. And any help would be great

[Hari]

Thank you for your comments.

If I said that "I AM" and Being are different, then I expressed myself incorrectly. Although they are in essence the same energy, the awareness each concept creates is different. I was attempting to increase awareness by demonstrating through experience how these concepts can be contrasted.

Self is not dependent on concepts, but to assist us in feeling self and using that feeling to enter into advanced states of awareness, I chose to create this subtle distinction between I AM and Being. My purpose was to demonstrate that when we focus our awareness on our energy through the key phrase, I AM, we experience Self as the essence we are, with Self as the center of consciousness. It is Self that is conscious and Self that powers experience. When we focus our awareness on Being, Self is seen in the expanded context of all existence, everywhere, and thus we integrate Self with existence. This amplifies the conception of Self. This exercise was meant to rapidly increase our awareness of ourselves.

You question who you are. I am not sure you really want an answer to that question from me. You are experiencing Self in your own way and are increasing your perception day by day. You do not need me to answer your question as your question is your process. As you say, you are a free researcher.

As long as you feel that your thoughts and desires are artificial or are derived from external sources of knowledge, then these thoughts and desires are not of your essence. Deepen your meditation to find that place where you simply are. This is the meaning of I AM. When you are there, your thoughts and desires will flow from being and will be unconcerned with the external world.

When you say that you think that the state of awareness in I AM is not "deep enough," or that you can only feel awareness (energy) and cannot "caught" yourself, I smile. Since you feel awareness and energy, you seem to have caught yourself fine! Perhaps you are still bound by expectations? Could it be that even though you say you have freed yourself from conceptions taught in books, you still embrace externally derived ideals of what you will find when you "catch" yourself? This could be possible and it seems worth the effort to examine this possibility further.

I suggest that you are the one who is aware of your awareness. I suggest you are the energy that is aware of energy. As it is you who is aware, do not expect to find yourself somewhere. You are not something that is hidden that will be uncovered when you look in the right place. You are I AM. This is awareness, this is energy, and this is the spiritual essence of being. Embrace your consciousness in this state. Play with your awareness to explore outside of the expected. Do not be satisfied with your awareness of awareness itself but use this awareness you feel to do something, perhaps even to connect to the divine. Once you use it, you shall see it is under your control. You are the controller of this. I AM is more than a passive state. It is you in all your energy, desire, capacity, potential, and love.

I suggest you need to do more. I do not think this is a conceptual problem or one that can be resolved with words. You need to do more work within to understand where you are when you find yourself somewhere and then move one step more to the center of awareness.

I hope this helps clear up any misconception I might have created due to an incorrect expression.

[Gaura]

Thank you for deep analyzes. I appreciate the deepness of it.

Definitely I’m still under the “books” but trying to free myself and freely research.
One of the “books” print on me the understanding of the person. When I feel awareness I can’t feel me as person. For me one of the main definitions of the person is desires. But when I’m aware there is no desire, only awareness and sometimes love. So I’m happy where I am and will go deeper.