I judge people all the time How to give this up?

[Krishna]

Nasty habit. What need I recognize in people and in my self in order to stop being sooo judgemental?

[gangster_of_love]

The bewildered spirit soul, under the influence of the three modes of material nature, thinks himself to be the doer of activities, which are in actuality carried out by nature.

I am seated in everyone's heart, and from Me come remembrance, knowledge and forgetfulness.

One who can see that all activities are performed by the body, which is created of material nature, and sees that the self does nothing, actually sees.

For one who sees Me everywhere and sees everything in Me, I am never lost, nor is he ever lost to Me.

Within this world, whatever is perceived by the mind, speech, eyes or other senses is Me alone and nothing besides Me. All of you please understand this by a straightforward analysis of the facts.

Where there is light, darkness cannot exist. Knowledge is like light, ignorance is like darkness. When you keep the above knowledge in front of you at all times, then you will see that everything is going on exactly as it is meant to be. There is one controller, one will, one plan, one cause of all things: "whatever is perceived by the mind, speech, eyes or other senses is Me alone and nothing besides Me

So try and keep in your awareness these thoughts, eventually these truths become ingrained as a part of you. Then you will see the controller and not just the controlled.

[Hari]

Dear Gangster

You are certainly a prolific writer and have many valuable things to say. However, would you please be so kind as to create and engage in forum discussions in the general forum? This forum, "Discussion with Hari" was supposed to be where I personally answered questions. Now I know the term 'discussions with' could create the impression that it is more free, but if it simply means that I am one of the many who respond in this forum then there is no difference between it and the free forum for all members.

To be honest, it discourages me to reply when you answer before me. Actually, I would appreciate it if you could create longer discussions in the other forums where they are supposed to be. Thank you for this.

I won't erase any of your texts or even the discussion about varnashrama, but it would have been better to be in another forum. I am not sure I know how to move a topic to another forum, but I will try to do it.

I also would like to avoid the forums turning into a Hare Krsna exchange and that is why I personally avoid using the terminology or philosophy of others but stick to what I have personally realized.

Good luck to you.

Hari

[Hari]

Nasty habit. What need I recognize in people and in my self in order to stop being sooo judgemental?

There are different ways to look at this. You could also choose to judge someone favorably instead of unfavorably! What is really going on is that you do not like someone or do not like what they are doing. Most time it is because we see something of ourselves in what the other does or says. Even deeper, these acts agitate within us our fears which causes us to go into a defensive mode and thus react with a negative judgment. After we label someone as 'not good' we then authorize ourselves to either avoid them, criticize them, or do something to teach them a lesson. Because it is an 'authorized' activity, we feel good about doing it and justified.

In some cases we are really only judging ourselves for we are seeing in others what we fear or dislike in ourselves. Other times we are truly being upset with what we feel is an injustice or harm being done to others. In this case we should do something about it if we can to help those who are being harmed. If we cannot, we will avoid doing anything ourselves that will either reinforce or support the offenders. Not all judging is self-judging and not all negativity that we feel comes from our own fears or conditioning.

In my own life I make it my yoga, if I could use that term in this way, to see the good or the positive in others. It is not always easy and most often it challenges me. In all cases it is a positive and strengthening discipline which allows me to see outside the usual box.

For instance, one can see why people do bad things when one understands the complete pitcure of their lives. When one has been abused or harmed as a child, criticized, ridiculed, not supported, repressed, depressed, or kept down or smothered in their lives, naturally this will manifest in anti-social ways later on. People also crack up periodically and we do have a tendency to act strangely when we do not have the capacity to express our tensions. Before exploding, which is the ultimate manfiestation of frustration for one who is pressed in and sees no way out, a person who has a hard time expressing themselves in a socially acceptable manner will act unconventionally to gain the sympathetic attention of others.

When such a person was known to me, I am upset with myself for not seeing the warning signs they left and attempting to do something that might have assisted them to feel better about themselves. When significant things happen that would normally create a negative reaction in those who view them, I look for the underlying causes and my role in supporting the unfortunate circumstances that person was confined within. Since this is a pattern which I see again and again in many persons and in many situations, I have learned to apply the same vision to those I do not know or with whom I have no contact. There are always events and circumstances within anyone's life which are hidden or misunderstood that significantly affect the course of their lives. Therefore I respond to these events in unique ways without depending on social cliches or understanding.

I feel this gives me a kind of independence in my life. I do not have to see others as I have been told or encouraged to do by external forces. Practically, this means I do not have to respond as my mother or father would, or as my priest in church would have wanted me to, or my guru would have demanded me to, or even as the world's or my particular social or religious group would expect me to. As I avoid being confined within any category of group or under anyone's control as to what I think and feel, I am free to make my choice in each and every situation as to what I feel is the most important experience in any 'conflict' or negative situation and respond accordingly. But this is just me. I have spent many years experiencing what it means to be on both sides of the fence and have learned from this. You would not encourage children to see things in this independent way, but you would give them the tools to do it when they could.

I like to live like this and I feel that it is a yoga. The yoga is my connecting to the experience of the person who confronts me with their passionate energy. The yoga is to redefine my response system from an automatic knee jerk reaction to a thoughtful and compassionate reaction. In short, it means to have a self discipline and awareness of others and their energy and situations, and myself and what makes me respond the way I do. As I believe firmly that my true and only freedom is the choice I make and the actions I perform at the present moment, I can choose to respond to another's actions with fear or love. Fear would cause me to reject the person or to defeat them (as in a judgment) whereas love would invite me to understand their situation first and then offer whatever service I can or whatever feedback I can towards others.

There are times when I have to defend myself or others physically, emotionally, legally, socially, or whatever, and I am not afraid to do so. I have to choose between those I love or the person who is challenging my status quo. Understanding, accepting, and supporting others who are troubled does not imply that you approve of, condone, or support their abuse or actions that can harm others. It does mean adjusting your response to be more realistic rather than based on information that has nothing to do with the situation or person before you who you with whom you have to deal.

This is part of the ideal of first try to understand and then try to be understood. Many times we judge others without understanding the events surrounding them, their motives, or their needs. When we get a deeper understanding of these things, we often find our mood radically changes and our responses are more in tune with the needs of that person.

Therefore, the basic answer to your question lies within the concept of first trying with all your capacity to understand another and then expressing yourself to be understood by them. Practically, this would work in all situations, even a situation where you would still not agree with or allow that person to continue with the action that caused you to be upset in the first place. You might understand fully what the person experiences, have great empathy for their situation, yet still recommend, if you are in that position, they change their behavior or understand things differently, or even stop them if you have the power and position to do so. Or you might react in a totally different manner if you felt it was more appropriate. When there is fuller knowledge the palette of choice becomes richer.

Everyone judges everything all the time. You judge what to wear considering the weather, the event or your mood. You judge what is best to eat, what is best to see, or read, or hear or anything you do at any time. It is part of the process of choice that we are faced with at each moment. It is not judgment that is the problem, rather, it is jumping to conclusions based on improper information, lack of desire to understand others, prejudices, preconceived notions or expectations, group think, fundamentalism, selfish or exploitative interests, personal frustration tainted with the desire to lash out when it cannot be expressed, ignorance colored with the pride that hides the need to investigate and learn, and hundreds of other factors that have nothing to do directly with the person we judge, and then acting on this false information.

As in most situations, the solution to evolving out of a pattern we no longer find useful to us is to be aware of what that pattern is, understand that it is harmful to our higher interests, and use mindful consciousness to change our patterns. This is what I call yoga and it is every bit as powerful as the meditation of the yogis in the caves. Combine this with the awareness expanding mediations we do each week and you have a powerful system of transformation that can impact the world's tendency to jump to conclusions, exploit others, and cause harm.

Perhaps you found this useful?

[Krishna]

Yes, it really has made me wonder why I've been locked in this perrenial judgemental process that has made me so miserable and not able to experience compassion for others' sufferrings.

Caught in a negative vortex coupled with a heavy baggage of abuse/abused past impressions make a toxic cocktail for a lost soul all covered in Hare Krishna. Where am 'I' ? And yet I dare to 'judge' others!